May 15, 2014
I spent the better part of 2011 & 2012 photographing everything that came my way. We were a single income house hold during most of that time and desperately trying to pay off things and save for the beach house. While working full time at the Grange, I managed to photograph over 20 weddings during each of those years. That’s half my Saturday’s wiped out just with weddings…. don’t forget about all those portrait sessions too. I’m a firm believer you must love weddings in order to shoot them for an extended period of time. They wear on your body, your mind, your time and your relationships. I’m beyond thankful I have a husband who supports and embraces this life, and has joined me through it. 2013 was strange, and hard in many ways. I’m sure outsiders looking in saw a young couple, with a shiny, new, vacation home. Happy, happy, happy. What you didn’t see was the illness, the struggling business and all the emotion with it. On the outside, it looked like one of the happiest years ever. There were many wonderful times though, don’t think their weren’t. Building a custom vacation home is a dream, one that many don’t achieve. I know we are blessed beyond explanation. During the start of 2013 I found myself nauseated….we would be riding down the road, and it would hit me… freezing temps and all, I would roll down the window and do my best to breathe. I never once got sick, but I sure felt like I should have. April arrived and we decided it was time to start a family. The house was nearing completion and it was the next step for us as a family. I excitedly quit taking birth control. I thought for sure by the end of the summer, I’d be pregnant. August came and went with no sign of a baby. I was feeling worse than ever, but found it difficult to go to the doctor and say “um, I just don’t feel good”… I felt like they would stare at me wanting more idea of where to start looking for answers. So, it wasn’t until it was September and my cycle had gone haywire and I was still not pregnant that sent me to my doctor. A round of blood work later didn’t show too much so she sent me to an OBGYN, where I was told my thyroid levels were borderline high (nothing crazy) but she was going to put me on thyroid meds to get my number down, and start me on clomid to force me to ovulate (I’d taken those ovulation tests, and never got a positive)…. now… I’m never good at taking meds…. but I knew the clomid was going to be important to take correctly, so I did. With the little “importance” that seemed the thyroid issue, I didn’t do well taking that pill (I took it about 3 weeks and kind of quit). Well, needless to say, I didn’t get pregnant that month. I also experienced a panic attack for the first time. This was so incredibly scary, and I was sure that it was because of the clomid/thyroid medication they had me on…. so even stronger than before I wanted far away from meds… so I looked to alternate methods and did some acupuncture treatments. Christmas came, and my sister knew something was wrong, thankfully my she talked me into going back to the doctor. They retested my thyroid and it was higher than ever. She immediately doubled my dose, this time I listened…. and tried to educate myself on hypothyroid issues. I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned that it effects your circulatory system (my feet & hands were always freezing), your digestive system (hence the nausea), your reproductive system (no baby) and your mental health (panic attack). All things I had experienced now were making sense. In the middle of all this revelation, I found myself pregnant. I found myself pregnant and very likely miscarrying all within 24 hours. I’ve always heard that emotions run off the chart when babies are growing inside, but never really knew what that meant. Now I know that it means you’ll mentally prepare yourself for something, and when it actually happens that preparedness goes out the window. You’ll cry your eyes out at the nurse who comes to check your blood pressure. You’ll shut down with anxiety when you mind isn’t “busy”. So for many people who have contacted me regarding their weddings and I was “unavailable”… it wasn’t because I was booked solid and couldn’t take on one more (quite the polar opposite, actually) it’s because I need some me time. I need time to heal, in order to get back to being the busy-bee personality I had been before last year. I’m so very thankful that 2013 was a “slow” wedding year for me, the Lord knew I would be struggling and needed time. The frustration was all because I didn’t believe in His plan. I wanted my own plan to work out. I am by no means stepping away from weddings, I love them just as much (or more… I cannot wait for a wedding this weekend in Pawley’s Island!) than I ever have, but please know that my health, marriage and family come first. Dates are marked off my calendar for family time this year and I’m so flipping excited. I’m sorry to all those July brides who I’ve turned away, that month will be spent basking int he sunshine as much as possible. I’ve found it difficult to share all of this publicly (and to be honest, many of my friends and family don’t even know about all this) but I’m thankful that I’ve found some answer to why I’ve felt so terrible and know that there may be someone else struggling with thyroid issues and not know it. Baby or no baby, I’ll still be shooting weddings and loving every moment, I’ll just be more purposeful about what & how I spend my time. I feel like this “in between” we are experiencing is halting us from living. We make decisions based on the life we think we want or our supposed to live, instead of living the life we have. When I was in my early 20’s I had no qualms about picking up and going. Anywhere. Being a responsible adult & wife has hindered us a little from spontaneous-for-no-reason-fun. Hence, the sudden decision to island hop to Aruba this fall. I feel like we are sitting in limbo (probably many of you do), with so many things. We don’t know where the Lord will take our jobs, family or life…. but we’re in. I saw a quote this morning on Instagram that I thought was fitting…. “Be all in, or get out of the way, there is no hallway”
January 14, 2014
So, like normal…. technology is a little challenging these last few days (other blogs planned, and not working out quite right at the moment)…. so, since we’ve made it 14 days into the new year without a post, perhaps we should jump on the resolution-esque blog post. Since dreaming of, building, and moving in the beach house we’ve had a list of things we want to complete at the house. I made a list a few days ago and thought I’d share! Can’t believe it’s been since September since I did a house update?! See previous beach house posts: Labor Day & Move In, Trim To do ASAP….. 1. Hem living room curtains (I sewed them, pleated them, and we hung them…. now they just need a good hem!) 2. Fix & hang guest room curtains: I found 4 perfect, silk panels at the restore months and months ago…. I only need 2 for the guest room, and these are too short, so I am ripping the 2 I don’t need apart and adding length to the ones I am going to use. 3. Hang light in guest room: found this one at West Elm about 2 years ago for like 70% off! 4. Finish & hang light over dining table: We picked out this one and got it from my Dad for Christmas…. I’m wrapping it in rope! It’s about 80% done. 5. Hang these dog prints in kennel 6. Fix coffee table: needs some supports built in 7. Hang tv in bathroom: it goes where those boxes are uncovered over the tub. 8. Recover chair in living room: I got 1 done…. and have been dragging my feet on the 2nd one :-/ 8. Buy & hang hooks in master bath: I want the same ones we hung in the entry-nook-area 9. Hang 3rd print in living room: 2 of the 3 are hung…. but we needed more hardware for the 3rd one. 10. Fix cables in living room & hook up speakers: we got in-wall speakers for Christmas, and we hope to have them installed soon 11. Print some 4×6 images for frames…. ya know cobblers children have no shoes. By July 1. Redo mats in kitchen & hang prints: I’m going to try very hard to remember to bring these home and run them by Michael’s to have new mats cut! 2. Hang bamboo blinds in living room & kitchen 3. Paint master bath ceiling: been strongly considering painting the ceiling in here a coordinating blue tone!?! 4. Make organizer for silverware drawer…. oh I don’t have a picture of the chaos of this drawer for a reason. 5. Hang shelves in pantry…. yeah our microwave is about 6 feet in the air on the only shelf hung….. By the end of 2014 1. Buy new TV for living room: Jer has his heart set on a 55″ 2. Buy sofa for loft: after lots of debate, reading and cost options: I think we’re going Ikea. I’m not thrilled about it, but I’ll live. 3. Have dresser for master painted & take to the beach….. yeah. 4. Build dining table: Make sure you ask Jeremy about this to keep it on his mind 🙂 He said months ago he wanted to build one…. I’m holding him to it. Things I am pleased to report: We finally got a rug! Our living room has been in serious need of some cushy…. found a deal on this on through Wayfair.com. It should arrive next week! I also hit Target with a vengeance this week…. finding this bar cart 70% off (to be used as my night stand), this end table (for the living room) and 2 of these poufs for the living room! Thank you Cartwheel app & Target debit card for the savings!
November 7, 2013
That’s what’s engraved on the inside of our wedding bands. Over the last 14 months 3 of my closest friends have tied the knot. Unlike Jeremy, most of my friends are single, or not married yet… until those last 14 months. On the way back from one of their bachelorette weekends away two of them were in the car with me. They sincerely asked, does anything change when you get married? “Yes & No” was my response. Below is my married-gal thoughts on what changes when you get married. 1. You both live in the house, make sure it looks like it. I’ll never forget the look on Jeremy’s moms face when he told her we were moving in together (ahem, not engaged or married yet). We moved in. We didn’t tell my dad, but he gave me some explicit advice for our “home”….. I don’t remember the exact words, but it was something along the lines of- this is both of your homes, make sure you both make decisions about it. He had previously been married to women who made 99% of the decisions regarding their home (decor-wise). And while is mustard-colored pleather recliner was an eyesore, my mother knew it was his (and that it was going to live in the farthest corner of our den!). We make sure each of us approves all the furniture purchases, paint colors, and art 🙂 2. Figure out how to share your money This kinda came naturally to us, and I know that is a blessing. When I bought our house (before we were engaged), I made sure everything was in my name. There was no reason to financially tie us together. If we ever parted ways, it would be a much easier split than if we both had our names on the deed and loan. I actually freaked out on Jeremy about 5 months prior when he wanted me to put him on my cell phone plan! ha! After moving in, we opened a joint checking account so that we could each put money in for the mortgage and bills, while maintaining our own private accounts. This evolved over time, and eventually it became too cumbersome to shuffle money back and forth, so we combined everything, except the photography accounts- those have always been separate. 3. Agree on where your money is going on a day-to-day basis This is probably the biggest thing I told the girls that day in the car. Unless you have unlimited money, you each need to know what’s going where. Food tends to be our biggest enemy (and I’m sure many of you agree). It’s easy to drop $25 a few times a week at places like Panera or Salsaritas, but that adds up so fast. We used to have a $300 a month food budget, and it would quickly get blown by those places. It’s sickening to think that if we had Panera one night and pizza another, then that’s $50 a week, or $200 a month! Along with this comes, who pays what? Even if it’s coming out of a joint account, who’s actually in charge of mailing the check or paying it online? A few occasions I came home to our power cut off because we both thought the other one paid the bill (…. or I forgot!) We have a pretty good system using Google Calendar, all our bills are listed a few days before they are due, and if they are for Jeremy (his credit cards, student loans) he pays them, and I pay mine. The Google Calendar helps me keep up with what bills come out of what money…. ie: Jeremy gets paid every 2 weeks, while I am paid monthly- so by looking ahead to the 2 weeks between Jeremy’s checks we can see where the money is going. 4. Agree on your financial goals & what it will take to get there We talk long-term dreams and we talk short term victories. Before the beach house was built, we would spend what free weekends we had sitting by the pool, talking about the money coming in and where it was going. We were able to watch our savings grow and start on the beach house sooner than expected. Sometimes these dreams sound crazy, but that’s OK. The summer after Jeremy was laid off (2010), we were at the beach and thought, wouldn’t it be great if we owned a home here? We started researching, and realized it wasn’t so crazy and we could do it! You’ll get into a grove with who washes the dishes, cuts the grass and does the laundry- but money can cause lots of stress. Just because you live together first doesn’t mean you’re truly invested, everything must become a “we thing”.
